Standin On Broken Glass

Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. I think that, hey, I'll drink away my sadness. But no, with every sip, my vision is distorted even more. Every swallow, I see his face, his presence, his soul.... Everywhere. I hear his voice in natures music, feel his a little too warm, but comferting, skin on cold walls while I stumble back to the bathroom to throw up a little. I used to love sleeping, escaping lifes reality to my safe little world. Dreams were what kept me sane. Now, I'm lucky if I sleep threw half the night. But usually I have some sorta nightmare and am not happy.

I'm living off redbulls and booze and complete shit that shouldn't be legal to call food. Im back to smoking an uncountable amout of ciggs a day. Blah Blah Blah normal shit.

For a while I thought I was pregnant. Because the whore that I am, I sleep with everything when I'm under the infulence. I would never know who the kids father was. But I took a pee stick and it came out negative. My heart raced for the first time then, I mean after I took it. Not before, just after. I didn't give two shits until after I had taken it. I started thinking about what could've happened. But then soon realized, it wouldn't. Then I didn't care anymore. And went to do something else.
I've betrayed Travis by doing that. I cheated on him... I had sex with so many other guys.. And I thought I was preggo. I'm a bad person. That's all I think about during my hangovers. So I drink more.


Blair packed up Blaze and got a new apartment. I guess Ima crash there, since I have no where else to go. Not all the time though. I found a nice muddin truck someone had ditched when they got it stuck in a hole. I called up my favorite Shepard, Tim, and he brough over his truck and we pulled it out and towed it back to his place. He's been helping me fix up the engine and shit. I didn't know it was a blue 1986 Chevy 4X4 until I cleaned all the shit off the poor thing xD it must've been there for a while. Once she's all good and alive again, it's gonna be my little home on wheels :p.

Thats about it for now. I'm lookin forward to the very few comments and then posting in like a month, because thats how shit rolls now -.-

-Carson